good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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