oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
