My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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