Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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