Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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