After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
