my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
