her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
