I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
