I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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