first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
