A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
