Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize