I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
