I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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