He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
