Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Still dying that you shit outside
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
