I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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