yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i out mim tonsoeep
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
