where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
