That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize