Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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