I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
