That's intense
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize