i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
