it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She told me I should be a condom model.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
