I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
