Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
