i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
