She is in my trunk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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