a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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