Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
