I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
