we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize