"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
