You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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