he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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