I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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