can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
