My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
