My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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