Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
