What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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