I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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