omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
