I can text with my tongue
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
