It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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