so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
