yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
