Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
