So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
