I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
