What did we do last night that was yellow?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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