Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
