Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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