I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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