You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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