I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
