just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
