I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
