We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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