If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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