she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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