I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
