I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That's how pantless uber rides happen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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