wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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