I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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