I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
