so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
