I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
