After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
