i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
