i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
