i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
