I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
